soo i dont wana put a downer on things as i am super excited about baby number two on the way! however when i had jamie i had PND for a good year before any1 noticed anything was wrong! eventually my sister said is wasnt right how i was looking after him etc and it broke my heart to hear that i wasnt being a good mummy (even though i thought it everyday myself). it sounds awful but i hardly even bathed him..maybe like once every few weeks! and i KNOW that isnt right so please dont judge me but at the time i just couldnt motivate myself to do anything and i only realsied how long it had been when i moved into my mums when me and Ben had a temp seperation and my mum pointed out id not bathed him once since being there (over a couple weeks), i made excuses that ben was doing it when he had him at weekend and we are only supposed to bath him once a week due to his severe infertile eczema (which was kinda true as it would dry his skin out but obvs he still needs a bath).

i think alot of the PND was down to his ezcema though as it was pure hell for the 1st year and a half! he'd be up all night and day scrathing his skin so hard it would bleed and then get infected and weep, then he'd be crying in pain and i couldnt do anything to stop it! he was also on a special dairy/soya free diet which made it hard to find things that were suitable for him. and when he was 6months this is when ben admitted to kissing another girl and it just brought my confidence to an all time low and i really didnt know what to do..in my eyes i wasnt a good enough mummy or a good enough fiance as i completly let myself go and i feel it was my fault he strayed! anyway thats in the past!

well the point to this post is that now im panicking all this will happen again (not ben cheating, as we're better than ever) but the PND returning. i feel like ive only just got control over my life and am finally happy and enjoying jamie like i should be ( i didnt even used to like feeding him when he was a baby or hold him much at all!) however the past couple weeks ive been really struggling with jamie and i feel like i shout at him all the time and cant wait for him to go to bed! im worried its coming back and im scared how im goin to cope with two!!! im hoping that cos i have u girls on here il be ok as il have someone to talk to where as last time i felt completly alone!

i suppose there wasnt really even a purpose to this post i just feel better haven written it and hope you girls will see me through x x x

Hi Hun,

I can't really comment on PND as I have never had it and I can't imagine what it must be like to had/have it.

I don't think anyone will judge you as PND as I understand it can you affect you quite badly. At least with this next baby you can look out for signs and get it sorted before it really sets in.

With Jamie it might be just your hormones (they have a lot to answer for) playing havoc and you are slightly more short fused than normal, but if you really think it's PND have a chat with your midwife or dr now rather than leaving it a bit longer. Also because you are worrying about it coming back that might be playing a part in how you feel now.

I hope I have made sense and you start to feel better soon

xx

also theres something i didnt say as i was to ashamed to admit it but if i learnt anything last time its being honest that helps solve the problem so here goes... :S

i already feel a really strong connection between me and the baby and i didnt feel that with jamie at all when pregnant! i hardly even remember my pregnancy as i just carried on as normal, and when he was born i didnt feed him at hospital unless forced to by the nurse and generally left him in his moses basket alot of the time! maybe it was cos i was so young and naive or something, im not quite sure why! but im scared that i may love this baby more than i love jamie (and i love him a HELL of alot, its just not how i thought it would be) everyone told me as soon as i held him id feel this over powering love for him etc and if im honest, i didnt!) i sound so horrible right now!!..and thats an awful thing to think and say and ive not ever said that to ANYONE, i wouldnt even to ben as im ashamed of it! i just feel such a strong bond with this baby and i love it so much already!! but i suppose thats a good thing right?

I would try and pop pnd to the back of your mind hun, what you feel at the moment is very normal.
It's a mix of his age, and your hormones! I'm the same and I didn't have pnd, Charlie is at a very testing age and I'm very snappy because I'm shattered and very hormonal!

Mention it to the midwife and doctor and I'm sure they will keep an eye on you once little one is here.
There's no denying it'll be hard with two little ones to look after, but there's alot of ladies here that have done it and done a very good job! I think a good thing is to keep yourself busy with play groups etc so you don't feel too isolated. That's what I plan to do anyway xx

You could well have had depression before as well which would have stopped you connecting with him. Its obvious from the way you talk about it that you love him very much now so I think it's unlikely that you will love one more.

I would have thought that they would keep a closer eye on you if you had PND before. I'd mention it to your mw. Also, I'm guessing your OH would have an eye of what to look out for now. I would talk to him and agree that you will go to the dr if he feels there's something wrong. This is what I did with my oh (I've suffered depression in the past so was at higher risk) as its often hard to tell when you're going through it.#

No-one is going to judge you for anything that happened though.

thanks girls..just what i needed to hear! i have mentioned it to my midwife but i said i was feeling fine atm and i dont think i need any help or extra attention..but at my next appointment i might mention it again to her as she said they have a certain midwife in this area that specializes in pnd that she could refer me to if i would like. i said it wasn't nessersery but i may enquire about it just so i can keep on top of it before it takes over again! it is probably a mix of hormones and money stress etc right now and hopefully its just me panicking and im actualy fine (if that makes sense) lol. x x

Aww hun, like the other ladies, I would say what your feeling is so normal, and it's fantastic that you're aware that you may need help in the future. I had pnd after I had my first, and with this pg I made sure I told the midwife and after Noah was born I got more visits from the hv & midwives than usual, just to check I was coping. That was really good, really reassuring. Didn't have any signs of pnd with Noah though, which was fantastic! I was worried I'd go straight back to how I felt with Milo, but it was totally different.

I was also quite snappy with Milo when I was pg with Noah, just because I was sick and shattered and spent all day trying to stop him jumping on my bump I found I 'm coping better with 2 than i did with one, there are crazy moments but they entertain each other, and watching them bond is amazing. I have a lot more family support this time round which made a huge difference too.

Hope you carry on feeling good in yourself, and it's definitely worth mentioning it to your midwife, I found mine were great with support and advice And of course come and rant here if you get stressed, we can give you virtual cake and hugs!!

i dont have any advice hun, but i am sure it will be ok this time try not to get to stressed about it, you are a great mummy x

I have only just seen this post hun, so sorry I havent replied before.

Firstly... you are not a bad mum. It sounds like you had a nightmare when Jamie was born and having to deal with him being upset all the time with ezcema sounds like a nightmare. It was also probably that that put a strain your relationship with Ben.

Lily was a nightmare baby and that only lasted for 8 weeks, but those 8 weeks were so hard. I hate to say this, but I really didnt like her very much during that time. I did love her (obviously), but her constant screaming just drove me insane.

Every baby is different so you shouldnt have half of the problems you had with Jamie, and if you did, then you are more experienced to deal with it this time around.

Also, you will never love this baby more than you love Jamie, or visa versa. So many of us mums have posted about how they will spread their love, etc. and believe me, it just happens so naturally x

ye its hard..im just starting to get anxious about the eczema thing. ive been told its highly unlikely that baby will have it as bad as jamie but obvs it is possible! will just have to hope for the best and if he/she does have it then i must get on top of it straight away! thanks for all your kind words girls dont know how i survived my last pregnancy without u all x x

Hi hun, I've suffered from depression before and when I was pregnant with Imogen I was referred to a maternal wellbeing clinic.. Maybe a bit like the midwife that your mw was talking about? I wasn't depressed at the time but just wanted to keep on top of it. Anyway this lady came to my house every other week for a chat, very informal but it really helped just reassure me i was fine, not depressed, and doing well with pregnancy then looking after Immi. This time even though services were offered to me (not the same as i'd moved house) I refused and said I was fine, but really i wish i had spoken to someone earlier as I've really struggled. I love Joshua and he's a really good baby but its me just been feeling really down and it does reflect in how i look after him. This is awful but sometimes when we cries I just sigh and want to cry myself. If he's asleep I don't want him to wake up. I don't want to get out of bed most day. So i'm off to see the dr 28th cause I'm sure I have PND.

So inclusion, i would really recommend talking to someone, even if its just to reassure yourself you're ok!

xx

shell you've defo done the right thing by booking to see some1! i was exactly the same the other day! jamie was just crying so much for no apparent reason that i could work out (hes still not talking at 2 so hard to understand what he wants). and i just broke down in tears aswel shouting "what do u want?" i felt awful almost immedietly after i did it but i just lost it! im gonna txt my midwife about it and see if she will refer me just for peace of mind like u say!! i hope your appointment goes ok and we're all here if u wana chat anytime xx x