I have a friend -actually she is meant to be my b/f and was my bridesmaid and she is also Gavs cousin. Her mam is Gavs aunty.

It all started when i was pregnant really. More or less all contact was lost with her, she never text me and asked how i was even tho i was practically house bound for 6 months cos of SPD and I think because i obv didnt drink when i was pregnant shejust never asked me if i wanted to come out or anything.

Once I had Alfie (just so happened that I had him on her birthday which she was chuffed about) it got slightly better and she made an effort to see me and Alfie and i went out with her a few times.

Then, on 24th May this year Gavs mam (her aunty) died. She had been unwell and spent 4 months in hospital. She was an alcoholic and her organs failed. Gav slept by her bedside for days and was there when she passed away which was heart breaking for all of us. My friend text me and said she was planning on going away to Blackpool (they go about 4times a yr and its about an hour n half from us) so to let me know asap when the funeral was. When I found out i text her and let her know. She basically ended up saying that she wasnt coming because she was going to be in Blackpool. The funeral was a Thursday and she was due to come back the next day. I asked if she could come back a day early since Gav is one of her best friends and also her cousin. She said no as it is not just her holiday it is the kids aswell (aged 13,7 and 3). I was sooo angry that she was not going to be there for us on the day that Gav needed her most.

Ever since then things havent been the same. She told our other friend (who i feel sorry for cos shes stuck in the middle) that it was his mams own fault because she knew she was going to die and shud have stopped drinking! Now i think that thats appaling cos alcoholism is a disease and thats not fair on the gav and his family.

I just dont know what to do. There are us three couples who are all best friends and everythinghas changed. My other two friends have known each other since they were in nursery and I dont want to make my other friend feel awful. Im thinking about sitting her down and just having a talk about things and getting it sorted BUT i dont want to give in and make her feel like i forgive because she seriously doesnt think she has done anything wrong in the first place!!

Any advice on how I should approach th situation?

x

Thats a tough one hun. The only thing I can think of is when Shayne's mom died and how a few close family members did not attend her funeral. It hurt him and his sister because they felt abandoned, just like Gav did on what was a very hard time. It left them wondering why anyone who claimed to love them or their mom wasn't bothered to show. It wasn't about 6 months after her death that they had the opportunity to ask these family members why they didn't come, and the truth was they couldn't deal with her passing, it totally devastated them to the point that they just wanted to avoid the whole thing. They live with that guilt daily, and I guarantee it will haunt them for a long long time. Death is hardest on the living, and some people grieve in ways that some would fine bizarre or completely emotionally cut off. If Gav is willing to forgive, or even get a chance to talk to his cousin about it, I think it would be a good idea to clear the air for them both. I bet the answer will be similar to what happened in Shayne's case, that it was too painful for her to deal with her aunty's passing and face the loss. xxx

I'm sorry that there is no advice that I can give.
When my Nan died my family was blown apart and now we hardly see or talk to eachother

Grief does funny things to people. Maybe you could talk to her OH????
When my mum died I didn't want to go to her funeral as it would make things more real xx Maybe she is in the stage of denial hun xxx

I think it was pretty harsh of her not to make it back for the funeral. Funerals are about paying your respects and she clearly doesn't have any to gavs mum. I totally see why you feel how you do.

I think sitting down and trying to talk would be a good idea. It cant make things worse.

Sometimes people change and friendships will never be the same.

When aimee was really ill we found out who our friends were and wernt and don't bother with some of them anymore x

Thanks for the advice.

Im sure that she didnt come because she cudnt deal with it. They arent a close family - altho gav and her are close she hardly seen gavs mam. Tbh i think it was just selfish cos she wanted to go on holiday!

Gav had all intentions of forgiving her until she said that it was her own fault she died and obv that struck everything off again.

For the sake of my other friend, im gonna set down and talk to her about it. We may have to agree to disagree but at least it will be out in the open.

x

I think it's definitely worth sitting down and talking with her. I think if you're going to rescue the friendship then you need to get everything out in the open and make a fresh start xxx