hi girls!!!

with the wedding in under 3months i emailed my dad's ex wife to see if my lil half brother(he's 9 now!) could come...she emailed me back saying theirs had been a traumatic split and she didn't want to ruin my day and grant was only allowed supervised access with his dad, so being cautious and cynical i emailed asking if the traumatic split was anything to do with the kids, hitting, abuse etc(when i was little my dad hit us and treated us very badly)

well lastnight while in chat i got a reply

my dad never sexually abused the kids...but he was arrested and found guilty of having indecent images of children on his computer and was put on the sex offenders register for 5yrs

now this man has had access to my two children, my 3nieces and 2 nephews!!!!!

at some of the ladies suggestions i decided to call up the police to see if i could confirm this was true...wouldn't be fair to just take her word on it, they called us back this morning and said that data protection acts make it impossible to give details but he's not on the list ANYMORE and then went on to ask if he will be having any unsupervised visits with the kids anytime soon, so we said yes and were told to seriously reconsider it as it's not a good idea...then went on to say if we ask him outright and he's cagey there is our answer...so it seems the guy was unofficially telling us that yes, my dad is indeed a paedophile!!!

so it's been a long day trying to get someone to outright give us a 'yes, he did it' so we can confront him, but no deal yet...

so i thought i was done with paedophiles....apparently not and i was an idiot to trust anyone

Oh god Kenty, I'm so so sorry hun - I just don't know what to say xx

aww hun, you can now find out if someone is a risk to children in some areas, its the new sarahs law.

also just to let you know, i'm surprised you have not been informed as he could be a risk to your children.

sorry this as happened to you hun, hope you get some clarity soon

I am so sorry hun and have no idea what else to say! Other than we (I am sure no other BANDA lady will disagree with me!) all here for you!

xxx

You deserve some answers, and closure on this once and for all hun. Am so sick by this for you as I can only imagine what horrific images are running thru your mind based on your terrifying childhood. Am here for you..in whatever capacity you need me to be and am praying that this hasn't effected the wee ones at all. xxx

aww hun
dont know what to say on that (((hugs))) xx

Oh no kenty, that's awful. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Have you spoken to any of your brothers to see if they know anything? I think if it were me i'd ask him outright and i'm sure you'd know if he was lying. Also can you not say to his ex that as he does have his grandchildren round him, it's in their best interest if she tells you exactly what went on! Hoping for the best outcome hun. This must be so difficult for you! X

God kenty, that's awful! Really don't think I can say anything to make you feel better. I really don't know what to say. Hope you're ok! At least you have a great partner to support you through this!

hopadom wrote:

Oh no kenty, that's awful. I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. Have you spoken to any of your brothers to see if they know anything? I think if it were me i'd ask him outright and i'm sure you'd know if he was lying. Also can you not say to his ex that as he does have his grandchildren round him, it's in their best interest if she tells you exactly what went on! Hoping for the best outcome hun. This must be so difficult for you! X

she's given me the arresting officers name, that he was arrested in oct 04 and investigated...she's given me as much as she thinks i'll need to get the info, but apparently sarah's law is/was just a pilot and doesn't count in most places

i'm actually handling this one ok, i've seen no signs that the kids have been affected but obviously i'm still quite worried

i'm just in a place where i'm wondering why i bother trusting people

That's is really bad, I can't believe no one knew and no one told you or your brothers

What is the point of the list if no one is told about who is on it?!

Oh my god, you must feel sick to your stomach hun. With everything that you have been through you must feel totally devastated.

I have no idea why people are protected from finding out the truth, especially when there little children, like Lumpy and Lewis, are directly involved.

You must feel like you are in a very difficult position right now and your head is probably spinning.

I wish I could offer some advice.

At least you have found out now though, rather than a few more years down the line xx

OMG Faye hun.

I am so so sorry you are having to go through this hun. Why the hell didn't his ex tell you what had happened as soon as she knew he was having unsupervised access with his grandchildren. I understand that data protection exists and has to be followed but in cases like this people need to know. Was he charged hun, would you be able to get any information from the court? Just a thought but they will probably hide behind data protection as well. If it went to court, there may have been something in the press about the case.

I don't really know what to say hun, my heart is breaking for you. You, Sam, Lily-ann and Lewis are a strong little family and don't deserve any of this crap. Thinking of you, just wish there was something I could do

i cant really say any more than last night it does sound like it was an unnoficial yes hun have you and sam thought about the gp somemore hun I have been thinking of you all day sending you massive hugs xxx

diane, we've not had any contact for years, i've only met her a couple of times, both of those were before i had the babies so i can't blame her at all

suzie...i don't know what to do about getting them checked, it's a scary thought...there are no ovbious signs of anything, i'm very thorough with keeping an eye out for bruising, bleeding, anything weird, so i don't know what to do

Kenty I am so sorry youre having to deal with this hun x

Don't know what to say, I'm so sorry xxx

Kenty...I totally understand why you feel the way you do about trusting people. Especially after what you have been through and now with your very own Dad too. I think I'd find it VERY hard too.

To try to balance things out a bit. Think about the people in your life who do love you and show you respect. You have a gorgeous little family and a partner who loves you to pieces. You have been the victim of some truly sickening circumstances but you have come out as a strong, independent woman, who has a beautiful family and is respected and admired by a lot of people. Unfortunately this world has a lot of untrustworthy people in it and it saddens me that you have come across them in your family as you have. But there are MANY more people in this world who you can trust and I'd hate for you to miss out on the happiness they can bring because of these poor excuses for human beings that you have had the misfortune to know!

It will undoubtedly knock you for a while....but don't shut the door on the rest of the world hun, you're worth so much more than that!

We are all here for you x x x

Aww, Kenty..I don't know what to say, but thinking of you and sending

We're all here for you when you need a virtual ear. xx

Omg hun just sent u a message on fb as I was worried about you, and thought I'd come on b4 I went bed. I can't believe it, why have none of your family been contacted b4 now, don't they have older kids (your bros) that's so crap and shit and I'm so sorry for you to have to go through a load of bollocks like this yet again. We are all here for you and I cant really say much more than hopadom has said. Sending you a massive hug and loads of support xxxxx

hopadom wrote:

Kenty...I totally understand why you feel the way you do about trusting people. Especially after what you have been through and now with your very own Dad too. I think I'd find it VERY hard too.

To try to balance things out a bit. Think about the people in your life who do love you and show you respect. You have a gorgeous little family and a partner who loves you to pieces. You have been the victim of some truly sickening circumstances but you have come out as a strong, independent woman, who has a beautiful family and is respected and admired by a lot of people. Unfortunately this world has a lot of untrustworthy people in it and it saddens me that you have come across them in your family as you have. But there are MANY more people in this world who you can trust and I'd hate for you to miss out on the happiness they can bring because of these poor excuses for human beings that you have had the misfortune to know!

It will undoubtedly knock you for a while....but don't shut the door on the rest of the world hun, you're worth so much more than that!

We are all here for you x x x

Kenty Hopa has just said everything I wanted to. I'm just so sorry that people you should be able to trust have let you down in such an horrific fashion. I'm sure as you said that if anything had happened you'd have spotted the signs from a million miles away but it is definitely worth speaking to your GP xxxxxxxx

Kenty thats bloody shocking that noone has let you know.
hope you are ok lovely xx

thank you so much ladies...you really are the most amazingly wonderful bunch of women

oh sweetie i dont know what to say apart from im so sorry to read this, you must be so pissed off and completey lost with who to trust


massive hugs to you xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Geezzzzz Faye - I cant believe your having to deal with this!!!


Hopadom - Your post made me cry, and Faye I couldnt have said it any better!!

You are an unbelievable mum, with fab kids and a wonderfully supportive OH......oust anyone who doesnt deserve your trust, friendship, or loyalty xxx

awww Kenty what awful news - i can imagine it was a huge shock to you, so sorry that you have to deal with this on top of everything else - sending hugs x