OK so we fell out with the in-laws last year, mainly because we refused to go around their house as FIL did speed and we didn't want to put Libby in danger. They refused to be 'dictated to' and wouldn't come round our house so they didn't see Libby for about 5 months (baring in mind she was only 7ish months when we fell out).

So last October I had a chat to my MIL trying to sort things out and she promised FIL had stopped taking the drugs etc.

They then started to come around our house for dinner - well a takeaway (don't know if anyone remembers) but FIL then acted like a little child and got up from the table while everyone was still eating and sat in the playroom, we are trying to teach Libby how to eat at the table properly so asked him to sit back down til we were all finished and he basically went all stupid and refused to come around ours again

So we have been going round theirs and thought everything was OK, and even this Sunday we went round and Libby was so pleased to see FIL and called him 'gandad' for the first time. Then Simon got a text today from his dad saying (word for word) 'I dont know what I have done but dont bother to come round anymore, I have had enough, love Libby but dont know what going on'

I rang him up and asked him what the hell was going on and he just said he was fed up with the atmosphere when we go around (honestly don't know what he's on about, everything was fine on Sunday). He then bascially said he didn't want to see us anymore!!!!!

We are so pissed off, he keeps coming in and out of Libby's life and she is soon going to know, it isn't fair on her!!

I did say to him that I'll see if Simon would go around to talk but Simon is refusing to, which I completely understand as he has been an awful father to him but I just feel in the middle of it all

Anyway, sorry it was so long and no need to reply just needed to vent really xx

aw susan he sounds exactly like my dad! Hes such an arse like this sometimes but now hannahs at an age where she enjoys visiting him what can I do?

Libby is still young so try and not feel guilty its not your fault. however let him know that this is his last shot if he doesnt want to see you again then thats it. no more walking in and out of libbys life as she will know one day and be upset and confused by it

x

Thanks for the reply Steph.

Thats what I've said to Simon, Libby loves her 'gandad' - god knows why but she does and it breaks my heart that he doesn't want to see her again When I look at her I cant understand why anyone would want her out of their lives let alone her own grandad (grrrrr now I'm crying - all because of that selfish bastard )

Simon has said we will go around there next weekend and if they say anything that's it, there last chance gone.

xx

I think its drugs related hun. its a paranoia. a couple of weeks ago I popped round to the shops when I was at my mums and bought me and my mum and hannah a bar of chocolate and forgot to get my dad one because he wasnt at home when I left. time I got back he was home. anyway nothing was said but at weekend hannah was having a nap and he was shouting at the football and my sis told him to keep the noise down as hannah was sleeping. he started thinking it was really personal that we were asking him to stop shouting and it turned into an argument. my sister called him selfish and he turned round right in my face and said "no whats selfish is buying everyone a chocolate bar except one person" I was like wtf? I honestly did not have a clue what he was on about and it didnt click til hours later. Its through drugs. they dont think like normal people do.

My dad only smokes dope (although I suspect stronger stuff back in his day) but speed probably really fooks up your mind.

x

Yeah you're probably right, sorry you're going through with your own dad though hun, must be awful

It does remind me of a time when we gave FIL a birthday card, now I make cards myself and he threw a mini paddy because we didn't buy him a card - I put effort into his card and he threw it back in my face

I just do not know what possesses people to take drugs, especially if you're at risk of losing your family

xx

totally. Ive been through it all with my sis and we have taken it apart in many of conversations and rants to each other but we dont understand.
its just part of life for us. Its only starting to get to me now that ive got hannah though so Im sure its the same for simon.

surely you would much rather get a homemade card? I know I would I tell people not to bother getting me cards. its such a waste of money.
Its probably all for attention as well. does his wife lie down and take it?

x

Aw hun, thats so sad - I know what you mean though, everything gets put into perspective when you have your own children.

My MIL is a bit of a pathetic woman really, FIL has cheated on her, been violent toward her and she still stays with him. A while ago he was really bad with her (drugs again) and she was all for leaving him - me and Simon supported her and I offered to go to the solicitor with her and find her a place to live etc. but she didn't go through with it. Simon text her today after he got his dad's text and he still hasn't had a reply so it looks as though she is prepared to lose her family because of that selfish prick

Yeah the card thing was just silly, it wasn't because we didn't want to spend the money on a card, I enjoy making them (and sometimes the materials are more expensive than actually buying one!!!)

who knows what goes on in peoples minds! x

All I'd add is that, for peace of mind, make it clear that this is HIS decision and that, if he is going to be so fickle and unpredictable, then actually you don't want him in yours and your children's lives. One last chance (like the one more visit you'd mentioned) might help you in the future - to avoid thoughts of 'could we have done more' etc.

This is definately on his terms and shouldn't be - it should be on yours - and it should also be made apparent that he is throwing away any chance to know his grandchildren - as well any right to the title of grandad.

Hope you're not stewing over it too much xx

I remember the situation from before and OMG, what a tosser He's acting like a spoilt little child.

Tbh hun..if I was in that situation I would defo keep them at arms length where Libby (and your little bean) are concerned. Its relly not fair on them when he has his silly little paddy's

Hugs to you all

if i were in this situation i'd tell him to go stick it, stop acting like a child. if he wants to see libby then he has to air and sort his differences so he can see libby.

other wise tough luck

Thanks so much everyone.

Well MIL text Simon last (after FIL went to bed ) and basically said that whatever he's done to her he is still a good man and just tell him what he's done wrong

I think what they fail to realise in their selfish little world that we couldn't give a toss what has or whats going on in their relationship, our one and only concern is Libby (and of course the baby). I will not have them come in and out of her (their) life and confuse and hurt her (them).

It did play on mind alot last night and all I kept coming back to was Libby's little face on Sunday when she saw him and shouting 'gandad', I cannot even begin to understand how he can turn his back on her and I will never forgive or forget him even suggesting such a thing.

I don't care what MIL says but he is not a good man but he is Simon's dad and our babies grandad so we will give him one more chance, if he abuses it or messes up thats it forever and HE will have to live with the consequences.

Thanks again everyone xxx