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I am so angry right now. Had consultant this morning. Got there to find it wasn't my consultant some bloke i didnt know and they had the wrong notes. Had notes for another patient and clearly knew jack shit about me. While they were searching for MY handheld notes which i had handed in and they had mislaid I explained what had been going on.

Explained had a previous history of pre eclampsia with c which ended in an emergency section at 38 weeks and quite a traumatic delivery and on bp tabs for 5 months after following a 10 day stay in hosp. Explained all had started same way at this kind of stage and that midwife had been concerned about my symptoms and asked me to se them and was currently signed off work. He sked what symptoms and i said palpitations even at rest which got worse on only mild exertion and got light headed and breathless really easily, that i have had headaches every day for weeks now and cramping low abdo pain though had a negative urine test. He didnt ask about the protein or tell me what my urine dip for today had revealed He seemed more interested in whether or not i had really considered my elective section decision and did i want to reconsider a VBAC and when i said no asking me to explain why. So of course i got stressed going through it all again with him as id already had all this explaining how scared the ideaof vbac made me considering the type of delivery and the post natal depression i had last time. But stood my ground which is a moot point anyway because MY doctor has already said its fine with him.

He then asked nurse to do my bp and pulse, ironically today was perfect, aint that always the way and said 'oh its all fine' ina way that made me feel like i was being stupid or making some kind of fuss and i said well thats good and im pleased but its been shooting up and down ive got the recordings in my bag. He didnt want to see them though. He asked ow long my headaches and breathlessness had been going on and i said about 3 or 4 weeks and he asked if it hadgotten worse or stayed same and i said headaches were same but breathlessness was worse. He then went on to explain (quite patronisingly) that palpitations are normal in pregnancy but if i was worried i could see a cardiologistbut he didnt know how long the referral would take and i didnt have a fast pulse today and i said again ive got recordings from last few weeks but he didnt want to see them. I said i knew they were normal as id had them with c but they were worse this time, with symptoms and affecting my work and explained what i did for a living and wat should i do about going back to work. He just said i would have to make some adjustments.......no furthr explanation or input apparently neccesary there. He said my breathlessness was just the baby pushing on my diaphragm. The mw said this wasnt the case as im only 19 weeks so that wouldnt be happening yet and that was what concerned her but by this time i was too fed up to pursue it.

Just as i was going to leave they noticed my notes with caelyns weight on it and said Oh she was small wasnt she and i said well yes i had severe pre eclampsia and they said oh ok you will need some extra scans and i said i know ive ot 20 week next week then dopplers at 22, 24 and 26 and he said no the growth scan wont be til 28 weeks and i said i have those too but im having dopplers in between, look its documented there and pointed and he just kinda shrugged and said well if you are definate on the section we will get you back around the 28 week scan and discuss dates. I said well i already have an appointment I will just keep that. The nurse was going on about how i fit the criteria for several clinics having hd a previous section and i said well i came to this one as my mw felt my bp was more relevant. Way to make a person feel wanted

By time i got home i was so angry i was in floods of tears. Rang the community midwives office but my midwife is on a day off. Spoke to a lovely lady called Suzie who apologised and i said the midwifes dont need to apologise its clinic that dont seem to give a shit. She went off and found my notes and spoke to them at clinic then rang me back. She said they thought i had gone away happy and reassured and that they had been happy with my bp and pulse today. I said as a one off bp it had been good which was good in itself but i have plenty of readings both at home and at gp which shows its up. She said to keep taking it at home. She also said they felt i shouldnt be at work til palps either sorted or see cardiologists but they dont get involved in sick notes i had to go back to gp and i said fine was happy with thatand had gp appointment booked but im not psychic so might have helped if they explained that. She then said she felt bad i had been sent away so upset and worried and asked if i knew th day assessment unit and i said very well as had been there several times with caelyn and she said the midwives would always see me if i was worried and could go there and if i did have visual disturbances or a spike in bp she wanted me to go there to get it recorded properly in my notes.

Phoned neil and hes madder n a bolt of lightening about it all and was nearly in tears himself cos hes 30 miles away working and couldnt go with me cos he would have gone mental. I said if that was how they were going to be at hospital id rather just see my mw as she actually knows me and cares. All the fobbing off i got last time could have ended up losing me C as by the time she was delivered we were both ill and i was told it wouldnt happen again and once again im being brushed off and ignored and im furious and upset. Sorry for long rant, i now have a massive throbbing headache all over my scalp and neck and eyes burning from crying so hard from sheer anger. How can i trust them to deliver my baby safe when they cant even manage a clinic appointment