Well it's happened. Dave and I are over. After having been together for 4.5 years and engaged for nearly 3 he ended it all last night. Apparently we don't have anything in common and we don't make each other happy. He doesn't want to work at it and won't see Relate or talk to anyone. So that's it. He seems to think he can continue to live in the house with us until the house is sold. I've told him to dream on as there is no way I can have him living with us as if everything is the same. I still love him and it would kill me. I've asked him to move into his Mum's (where he'd have his own room and en-suit). The sticking point is that to run our house (mortgage, bills, and contracts we can't get out of) would leave me with £30 a month and he's saying that he doesn't want and cannot afford to pay for a house he doesn't live in. Which is fair enough but he made this decision, not me.

oh hen. i dont know what to say he cant leave u high and dry either. hes being mean. he has an obligation to provide for his daughter!

omg lisa, i am so sorry that is so shit!! stay strong hun xxxxxx

Oh Lisa, I don't know what to say, I'm so sorry. You know you've got everyone here to talk to if you need to, and your beautiful little girl to take care of you. Dave must be a total fool, you seem like the most lovley person. Big hugs to you

Aww Lisa Im so sorry. Im rubbish at these situations and never know what to say...
xxx

oh Lisa i'm so sorry, i know you were really trying to work things out, he sounds like he's being selfish with the house though, what about Amelia, surely he wants her to have no disruption ? big hugs xx

Oh no, that is terrible news. Like tutti said, he has to help provide for Amelia, he can't do that to you. I'm so sorry things haven't worked out, maybe if he moves out he will realise that things can work again. Huge hugs, a lovely person like you doesn't deserve this x x x

Lisa, I'm so sorry I dont have any practical advice but wanted to send you MASSIVE hugs You are such a lovely lady and do not deserve to be treated like this xx

i am really sorry to hear this hunnie, really hoped you to could work through things, like the above comments, he still has a responsibility to amelia and still has to provide a roof over her head, regardless of living there or not.

sending you lots of hugs and i hope the situation can be sorted calmly xxxx

I'm so sorry xxxx

Sorry hun

You must be feeling really shit. Dont really know what to say, in fact there's probably nothing anyone can say to cheer you up today. We are all here for you emotionally and some of the ladies live close enough to you to provide practical support. You are a lovely, kind, caring woman. Hopefully your friends and family will pull together to make sure you and Amelia enjoy Christmas as much as possible.

Id feel the same about wanting him out of the house. Doesnt matter who pays for what atm. Amelia is everyones main priority and he should be trying to make Christmas as normal/happy as possible for her. Him being around 24/7 may just add tension. He will have to contribute to Amelia, but whether its enough to run the house i dont know.

You will be ok hun x

awww hun so sorry to hear that. just before xmas as well, shit feckin timing !!! sending you lots of love and cuddles xxxxx

I am so sorry to read this hun. I know you've been trying hard to work this out. Hope with a couple of days to think he realises he can't do that to you and Amelia in terms of the house. Big hugs to you

Oh Lisa,

I am so sorry hun. i had hoped you could work things out. Tutti is right, he has an obligation to provide for his daughter, and really he should be thinking about whats best, unfortunately men fail to see this and are just stubborn gits.

i hope he realises that it wont be good for Amelia to have you both miserable under the same roof.

so so sorry hun. i hope you are ok, sending you lots of love and hugs xx

I'm so sorry xx

I'm so sorry xx

Oh Lisa seriously could his decision not have waited a couple of bloody week!!!!

I am so sorry he has done this to you. Whether he likes it or not he has to pay his way,. His name is on the mortgage too and there is no getting out of that just because he says so.

You need to seek legal advice asap hun and contact the mortgage people asap to let them know your situation. They may offer a mortgage break.

Massive hugs from us, you dont deserve this chicken xxxx

Oh Lisa

I know calling Dave all the names under the sun won't help... but... what a bloody tool!

Wish I was up to driving and I'd come hunt you down for a drink & distraction! You know where we are if you want to hook up for a play date any time honest - for a chat through things or some random non-OH natter if preferred.

Please be good to yourself and house/money wise - pen and paper things out and it may help to make sense of in the meantime. He has to pay child support etc. and if he has any decency left would agree to at least partial help with the mortgage / bills / etc.

I digress.

Take care of you and the gorgeous tot, thinking of you both xxx

Thanks so much everyone. I'm just completely lost at the moment. I have no idea what's going to happen. My Mum said she'll come with me to see the CAB and try to find out if I can claim any benifits to tide me over until I can get a 2nd job. I can work all day Thurs but my work are not increasing hours as there's a freeze and redundancies.

I'm just heart broken TBH. I would never have had a child with him had I thought this was going to happen. I thought we were together for life but apparently he didn't. So he's lost weight, got fit with a whole new wardrobe and now he'll probably go and shag has way round the northwest.

Please no one say anything on FB yet as his side of the family haven't been told. x

Lisa chick you will be fine i swear you will.

Its feels right now as if you are going to feel like this forever. I promise you wont. Love to you xxxxx

Oh Lisa, I'm so sorry to hear this. You are such a lovely lovely lady, and I can't imagine what he's thinking!

Is there any chance he's being a toss-monkey about the house because he wants to stay there, so is trying to make things as difficult as possible for you if you do make him leave? I know it sounds horrible, and I can't believe he would put not only you but Amelia thorugh that. I hope he comes to his senses really quickly, you don't deserve to be messed around like this.

Sending you lots of big hugs and smooshy Milo kisses. Look after yourself!

Being fit, having nice clothes and shagging tarts wont make him happy in the long run. He could end up a very lonely old man!

You have Amelia for life and will enjoy her so much more than dave will get the opportunity to now. Id say having Amelia with him was the best thiing, you have something so special out of it.

Amelia will be loved and cared. Its not the future you wanted but im sure you and amelia will still have a very happy life. Who knows what will happen in the next 2 years.

Get down to CAB and see what can be done about mortgage. Sending hugs again x

I've told him where I go Amelia goes too. I am not having her live away from me. Obviously she'll see him as much as possible and stay over etc as we agree but if he stays in the house it means we have to leave and we have nowhere to go. His Mum lives 100 metres away and has everything he needs there. I don't understand why, if I don't make him happy and he doesn't want to be with me any more, why the hell he'd want to live under the same roof!!! There are houses on our culs-de-sac that have been on the market for over a year! I also don't think we'll get what we paid for it at the moment. It's all such a *$%£ mess!

So sorry lisa, like the others have said you may get dome benefits like tax credits, I'm sure you get a discount on council tax too. He'll have to pay maintainance too which is a percentage of what he earns, he can't get away without paying as the Csa will take it for you if he won't.

I know this is a horrible thought but do you think he has someone else??
Hugs
xx

Aw babe that's such a shame. You guys were working it out too.

My advice. Go straight to the csa and get maintenance from him to help pay for everything and then get yourself a lawyer who deals in relationship seperations. Get a minute of agreement draughted and get him to sign it. That's what i had to do. It should outline who is responsible for the bills, mortgage, and access etc.

Do it today. Sorry i know i sound pushy and you probably can't think straight right now but it would be good for you to get this sorted sooner than later.

If you wanna chat about anything i've said just pm me. I almost had to get my ex's wages arrested as he wouldn't pay. Instead i gave the bank the house for repossession so he won't get a penny. (Oh forgot to say i completely picked it clean by then. All that was left was the 4 walls) pmsl.

Dee
x