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Well it's happened. Dave and I are over. After having been together for 4.5 years and engaged for nearly 3 he ended it all last night. Apparently we don't have anything in common and we don't make each other happy. He doesn't want to work at it and won't see Relate or talk to anyone. So that's it. He seems to think he can continue to live in the house with us until the house is sold. I've told him to dream on as there is no way I can have him living with us as if everything is the same. I still love him and it would kill me. I've asked him to move into his Mum's (where he'd have his own room and en-suit). The sticking point is that to run our house (mortgage, bills, and contracts we can't get out of) would leave me with £30 a month and he's saying that he doesn't want and cannot afford to pay for a house he doesn't live in. Which is fair enough but he made this decision, not me.

Oh lisa ive just seen this. Im so sorry your one of the most lovliest caring ladies ive ever spoken too x
Dave must be mad is all i can say x big hugs xxxx

Am gutted for you Lisa, I have to say his timing is attrocious to be honest. On the positive side at least now you know where you stand and can move on rather than waiting for him to buck up.

I know i am far away but if there is anything i can do then just let me know xx

Oh Lisa..I am so upset for you right now. I totally believed you two, though had some bumpy patches on the road, would steer right over them. I cannot add anything the ladies haven't already mentioned as far as entitlements, but I just want you to know that I am here for you in whatever capacity you need me. I am sending you land Amelia a truck load of love and hugs. xxx

it might be right Lisa, i think it goes on hours worked and income, i think its 16 hours as thats the threshold for most things benefits wise, but i might be wrong.

i hope you manage to make the best of christmas, i have no doubts to how much he loves melie but i hope he steps up to the plate as it were.

i still think early mid life crisis, my SIL husband did the same thing last christmas and has admitted he couldnt cope with the responsibility of 2 children.

he is now a 3 weekend dad (as he has moved from yorkshire to essex) who takes them to mcdonalds. when they were married he would never have dreamt of taking them there.

it makes me so sad

like someone has said before, agree things while its amicable (on his part) their guilt soon takes over and they can start being shits over money!

LisaGandAmelia wrote:

Yes it does Lisa, I pay in between £200 and £300 a month anyway and I pay for all of Amelia's stuff and all food and meals out/take aways. It's a bit tight but I can deffo so it. Plus it's Dave that runs up most of the houshold bills anyway, he uses a rediculous amount of water and electric!

I just did a very basic calculation assuming I was privately renting in this house it said I wouldn't have to pay any council tax and I'd get about £500 towards my rent! Surely that can't be right, that seems like a hell of a lot to be getting!

Emma I think we'd be classed as common law parteners as we've lived together for over 3 years. So a pretty similar arrangement in the eyes of the law, I think x

I have no idea what wage you get but when Matt was earning about £15000 a year (full time job), we got basically all our rent paid, we were only paying about £150 a month and £50 a month council tax. So that calculator could be right. It really depends on how much you earn


Once again I'm really sorry it's come to this. I hope you can come to all these financial arrangements amicably.xx

It depends on what you earn. This calculator seems good...

http://www.manchester.gov.uk/info/500184/local_housing_allowance

Its maybe the one you already used. I dont get that amount a month and Im on IS. When I was getting SMP and WTC I think I got about £45 a week. That was based on an income of £123 SMP, £60 CTC, £20 CB and maybe £70 WTC . Total income £270 a week = £45 Housing help a week. Depends on the area you live and you earnings. Property could be dearer were you live than here, and they take childcare etc into consideration.

Really hope it works out xxx

jesus lisa, the guy's timing really bloody sucks! if he wants to stay living in the house could he not have waited a couple of weeks


so sorry i don't know what to say as i thought you guys would get over the 'bumps' and get back on track

big hugs xxxx

aww hun i am so sorry to hear that

have you guys spoken since? is there no way he will try n think things over?

with the rent thing,.they say you need like 60(i think i cant remember now) per peron over 18 and 75 for a child.

me n oh rent a place for 750, he earns just over 1600 and we get 105 a week towards out rent. and yea plus tax credits and child bens
we only get liek a tenner off a month for out council tax. so they are pretty helpful with that x

really sorry for you and Amelia i hope he hasn't totally ruined your Christmas

I'm really sorry to read this and such bad timing aswell...I really hoped you guys would get through this...I can't really offer any advice (sorry) but I hope this has not completely ruined your christmas and as you can tell we are all thinking of you and Amelia xxx

Lisa Im so sorry this has happened. His timing is awful and a shitty thing to do to you right now.

With regards his money to you have it all laid out on paper so its agreed in black and white, one way or the other he has to support amelia whether its by paying the mortgage or contributing to her upbringing and i know you will find the solution that gives the best possible to melie. As for the rest id go to CAB or the council offices asap to find out as they are the experts and i wudnt have a scooby

Im sure i speak for everyone when i say if you need a lynch mob organising.....

Wish there was something more i could do or say, hes mad, i may have only met you the once but i thought you were one of the nicest ppl i had met. Hugs, if theres anything i CAN do please let me know xxx

im so sorry hun, jst saw this and im absolutely gutted for u! his timing his awful!! i really thought things were working out since last time u had a break!

i hope ur holding up as best as u can and u know we are all here if u need us!!

as for how much help u wud get with housing i cud really only tell u what u wud get in scotland im not sure how much different it is in england but if ur wanting some info pm me

big hugs for u hun xx

OMG Hun I am so sorry to read this. We are all here for you if you need us. Think he is being very selfish just walking out on you and Amelia, how on earth does he expect you to manage. Why won't he even give counselling a try. All relationships go through their bad patches but if the love is still there most things can be worked out.


Thinking of you hun and sending you loads

How are you feeling today hunni?

x

Really upset and teary today. Just trying not to let Amelia know. I think I'm in a bit of shock about it all really.

I've decided he can stay here until the new year and we'll see after that. But I've told him that if I think it's not going well I'll be asking him to leave, and then tellling him and making him! x

Awwww hun. I really am so sorry that you are going through this.

I was devastated when I split up with my ex, although we didnt have any children, so cant imagine how hard you must be finding it.

I just cant believe he has come to this decision and really hope he realises its a mistake.

I know its probably no comfort right now, but I remember feeling like the hurt was never going to end, and that I would never find somebody else who I wanted to be with. Then one day, along came James and everything fell into place.

Just take each day as it comes and you will get through it. And remember, we are always here, pretty much 24/7 if you need to vent.

x

Oh Jhun just seen this!! I'm so sorry it didn't work out :0(
Big hugs & love coming your way.

You do what you feel is right, so if it means him out do it, don't be soft ;0)
Big hugs xxx mwah xxx

So sorry to hear this, I don't know what else to say.

Ros

omg i am so sorry hun big hugs xx

Im so sorry lisa i truely am xxxxx

im awful with words or comfort but i want you to know if i can or you want to chat moan cry or need anything im here to help x

Lisa


You will be fine hun just stay strong and ride it out. It will stop hurting eventually and you will be a stronger person for it.

BTW If you do need a lynching give me a shout I know a few people in the Port!
(oh and if Dave is going out in the Port make sure he has a good wash before you let him in the house )