Ok now i was never christened and i don't believe in god. now OH was but he don't believe in god but he wants to get married in a church. because he said he may not believe in god but he believes in the way of life and their values etc. now i do as well.

but i feel to me as i was not christened and i don't believe in god that one i won't be allowed to marry in a church and two i'd feel like a hypocrict (sp). Now i have control over the whole wedding but this is his one request. and he said it has to be a catholic church not a roman catholic (theres no difference to me)

what do i do? i don't want to have to pretend i am when i'm not as i feel that's wrong

I won't say much - but I think its totally wrong personally to get married in a Church when you do not believe in God

I don't and I wouldn't consider it at all.

As for 'way of life and their values' - well you don't have to be a Christian to lead a good life and hold good values, I'm Humanist and this is proved totally that its a person that decides how to live their life and no religion is needed - so just cos Trev 'likes' the idea of how Christians should live - doesn't mean he necessarily needs to think/do like Christian...if that makes sense!

I totally agree with lisa even tho i am not a catholic i do believe in god and do attend church when i can. My OH is catholic and noah has been baptised catholic so we go alot with OHs parents.



We are getting married in a catholic church, there is a bit of commitment you have to put in and show b4 the priest will wed you.



If you dont want to hun then dont, if thats the way you feel



Char

I would say no, because the wedding service in a catholic church is a religious ceremony, and if neither of you believe then the vows you take mean nothing.

Why not have a civil ceremony in a hotel or somewhere similar?

As your not christened wouldn't you have to go to classes and prove yourself "worthy" ?



I think you should/could humour him and see a catholic priest, who will probably say you can't get married in a catholic church anyway and then that's that over with and you can contiune planning the wedding elsewhere

Lisa that's spot on how I feel. He's so set on it though.

There is no way i could get married in a church it would feel like a lie and in my opinion inappropriate getting married there.

Ok.. this where I stand....

We got married in a Church of England church. Mainly because the church is part of James's family history and has been for many generations and his great (and great, great) grandparents are buried there. They also worked there throughout their lives so it was kind of a given that we would get married there.

James has been christened, but I havent. I wouldnt say I 'dont' believe in god, but I wouldnt say I do either, im kind of on the fence. I am not religious, but I have prayed for somebody up there to help me in some really difficult/desperate times in my life, so im not sure what that makes me, lol.

I was totally honest with our vicar where I stood and he was 100% cool with this. He was more of a surfer dude (church was in Cornwall) with long blonde wavy hair. He didnt look like a vicar.

In our service he didnt go on about god at all, the only thing he did say was that 'god' was like Neo from the Matrix . He said that he felt that every couple had a right to get married in his church, whatever their beliefs as it was about family watching a couple get married, not about god. I must say, I was very impressed with him.

Im not sure about a Catholic church though... I think it is much more strict xx

ARGH!!! What if he wasnt a vicar and im not really married!!!???

Why is he set on it? Is he overly religious? If he is then I'd be more inclined to go with it. When I got married we got married in church because I was brought up in that church, but my husband didn't believe. it was important to me, so we went with it. However catholic weddings are completely different, half my family are Catholics and the weddings are very religious, Trevor will need to be confirmed as well as baptised into the catholic church, you will also need to attend mass regularly and go to pre wedding classes. As you aren't catholic you'll need to get permission from the Bishop too. It's a lot of hassle if it isn't for the right reasons.

confirmed? is that confirmation that they do as a child? if so trevs done that. for him its for his family his mum and family are and he wants to do it for them and his mum. i think i'll speak to his family when we are over there next month see what they say. i would love to get married in a church but thats purely for the beauty of them.

The catholic church is a lot more complicated I think. I got married in a church but am a christian and had been going to this church since I was 11 (i was 22 when I got married). Oh has similar beliefs but had never been to church so wasn't so bothered but went along with it because of me. I'm not sure I would have actually felt married if I hadn't been in church.

Perhaps you should find out if the catholic church will marry you first and then you could make a decision after that

Laura wrote:

ARGH!!! What if he wasnt a vicar and im not really married!!!???

ermmm it wasn't Keanu Reeves was it ...surfer dude talking about the matrix ...hmm I think it was ya know!

We got married in church, mainly because we wanted too, or rather I did, I was brought up with Sunday school, and although I don't attend I believe there is something out there.

You could always have the wedding at a registry office and then a blessing of the marriage.

I fell out with god along time ago, he knows why, but I kind of like the idea there is someone watching over us, plus in the church we felt closer to those not there

Im catholic and so is my oh and kids, but we don't go to church much and didn't get married in a catholic church. A catholic wedding is really religious so unless youre a committed catholic it all seems a bit pointless! My sister had a catholic wedding and it was lovely but although she was catholic she wasn't confirmed and had to go to lessons for weeks and then get confirmed (with a load of 14 year olds) but she was quite commuted and it's what her oh wanted.

I'd go for a wedding that means something to you and suits the people that you are. There are some fantastic civil ceremonies out there.

Me and John are both catholic's and when we got married we had a nuptiual mass (which is basically the works, if you know what I mean). I don't think that you would be allowed to get married in a catholic church if you are not christened.
TBH Kelly and I hope I don't offend you, as I don't mean to but I've got to agree with the other ladies who have said that it would be wrong to get married in a catholic church if you don't believe in god.
xx

Please don't worrying about offending me. I've said from the start I do t feel it's right getting married in a church to begin with. He's still set on this though. I think the only way is to be told no you can't here to our faces then he'll het we can't and have to go else where.

When I said to him though what about a hotel or something he said no as he wants all the blessings as that's part of the marriage.

I don't know anything Bout religion maybe talking and looking into it may help.

But. Just want to point out again I do not want to het married in a church if they require you to believe in god as to me it's
Wrong

My uncle got married in a catholic church, he's not catholic but his wife and her family are. He had to be christened or they wouldnt let him marry her there, even though his wife had been going there every sunday since she was born and it was the church attached to her school.

I think you might get away with it in a COE church but no way in a catholic one x

If you get married in church of England, he would have to denounce his faith or something like that...

Getting married can be a pain but the day be lovely

Shoot me for this but i am not religious but I will marry in a church because the registry office looks like a homeless shelter here and we can't afford a hotel x churches are beautiful, we are both baptised and will prob marry in the church where all my ohs family did x

Niccsy wrote:

Shoot me for this but i am not religious but I will marry in a church because the registry office looks like a homeless shelter here and we can't afford a hotel x churches are beautiful, we are both baptised and will prob marry in the church where all my ohs family did x

Haha I totally admire your honesty and I reckon loads of people choose churches because of their beauty