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Ok here goes possibly the most long winded, whingiest birth story ever!
Didnt sleep at all sat night as was having pains on and off in my back. At 9am I woke Stuart & told him this could be the start of things, by then they were every 15-20min. Continued pottering about house, had shower/breakfast etc. By 11am they were every 10-12 min and getting sorer but still bearable and I wasnt 100% convinced it wasnt just a false alarm. At 1pm rang my mum and told her id possibly be needing her to come to hospital with us. Rang MIL to ask her to be on standby to sit with Caitlin & she said she couldnt as she was just heading out the door to to xmas shopping with her boyf Stuart went nuts at her & id to calm him down. He rang his sister and thankfully she said she could. MIL did ring back and say she could come over later on if we wernt away already and stu told her to get stuffed. 2pm mum came over and pains were getting worse & every 8-10min. Rang Hospital & said to wait until they were 5min apart or totally unbearable. By 3pm they were still only every 8 min but I decided to get SIL to come over and settled with Caitlin. She brought her boyf of 5 months with her so contracting in front of him was pleasant! Rang my uncle (no taxi!! ) & left for hospital at 4pm...

Arrived at hospital at 430pm & was examined - 3cm, baby def on way & prob be early hrs of morning. They wouldnt admit me until I was 4cm so sent me off & said to walk about until 630pm. Walked round to cafe at hospital & had a fun filled hr contracting in front of strangers and trying to look like I was just casually eating a gravy chip By 6pm I couldnt cope anymore & decided to go back to mat ward. By time I got there at 6.10pm the contractions were coming every 3-4 min and I thought I was going to die Was examined & was 5cm. Had to wait about until 6.45pm to be brought up to delivery were I nearly snatched the g&a off the MW as I stomped threw the door! Id already said I wanted an epidural so MW went off to arrange one.... Joked to mum & Stuart that I might try and go without an epidural.... ah how we laughed at the though of that.... 2min later MW returns telling me anethatist is in surgery with a c-sec atm, then someone had a retained placenta & needed him and a 3rd woman had requested an epidural 20 min before me, so if she was honest with me , by the time he got to me id prob have delivered
At 8pm MW examined me & I was 7 nearly 8cm. She told me if I wanted pethidine to get it now or it would be too late so I agreed to it. What a pile of poo that drug is!!!!! Honestly it did relax me between contractions but as soon as one started I was like a cat with a rocket up my arse jumping off the bed howling and wailing like a walrus. So for about an hr I spent 1min lying eyes rolling tongue hanging out slabbering down myself & then 1min behaving like a beast alternatively
At 930pm they checked me and I was 9cm so they broke my waters. From then the contractins were pretty much constant. I had to lie on my side for a while so they could do a trace on baby who's heart rate was dipping a bit. Pressure then started & at about 10pm it was time to push - worst f*cking experience of my life!!! Pethidine had worn off and was too late for top up and I couldnt use G&A properly while pushing

The pressure was ridiculous. It wasnt the stinging that made it unbearable, I actually felt like my pelvis was going to snap. The MWs made me put my hands behind my legs and push but it was awful so I kept trying to put my hands behind my head to hold on to bed and push dowm. They were getting quite ratty with me by this stage as they couldnt find his heart rate consistently and when they did it was taking a bit to long to recover. As horrible as this sounds it didnt really register with me. Mum and Stuart ended up taking a leg each and physically holding my hands behind my kness as they all screamed at me to push. Eventually nature took over and I started doing what I was told but jesus christ I never want to feel that again.

Joshua George Maxwell was born at 10.20pm weighing 8lb 5.5oz. When they said it was a boy I felt nothing at all - it certainly didnt make me push harder thats for sure! Think I was in pure shock at what id just experienced. Stuart went off to ring ppl and I promptly filled 6 kidney dishes full of vomit Think it was a mix of pethidine/shock. Got a few stitches but nothing major, doesnt even sting when I pee though havent braved a poo yet Went up to ward at about 130am and felt really not with it. Got NO sleep as the ward had about 24 new born babys on it all squealing (apart from my doped up son who slept all night )Even yday ppl sounded far away when they were talking to me and I couldnt compute what they were saying. Think its a mix of no sleep since fri night and the pethidine. Got home yday afernoon and am doing combined feeding atm. BF whole time in hospital but due to pethidine he very hard to latch so have gave btls in last 24 hrs. MWs were encouraging me to hand express and syringe feed but I was too exhausted to give it a proper go. Think im going to try and BF tonight again though and see how it goes now he is wakened up.

So there you have it! The longest most dramatic account of a straightforward birth ever! I am never having sex again because the thought of doing that again is enough to tip me over the edge. When mum left the hospital on sun night she asked if I thought I was going into a psychosis as I just kept repeating how 'im not really here' & 'you all sound so far away'
Ah tis all worth it. My wee man is such a cutie! I'l try add pics in a bit! x