Thought Id start a thread on step kids and exs! Im at the point of tears with OHs wondering if anyone else has the same problems or is it just me?!

I never really got on with her (well we never spoke) but I did everything with OHs little boy. but once we met we're ok, I can go to hers or her family and pick him up without OH and they will invite me in and they buy Lillie presents at xmas and bdays and all. They are a nice family BUT arghhhhhhhh some times shes a spitful biatch.

Oh will have his son a few days after school, which is fab I would NEVER stop OH seeing his son and Lillie adores him!! (hes 7) she follows him like a lost sheep so funny. but she wont let him ring OH, OH has to ring him (which I sort of see OH should want to ring his son but surely it works both ways?) over school holidays she took him away from the day they broke up to when they got back. so we didnt see him for 6 weeks. same at xmas we dont see him from school breaks up till they go back to school! OH tried to ask if he can take him fishing/ days out but we always get oh hes got something on or hes ill and then on the next breath says shes taking him down the beach!! she wont let him stay here the night hes got to be home by 6. every time we try to have him on weekends she says no as shes got something on. Then last night rang up OH f in and blinding that he doesnt have him on weekends! she'l ring up in the week in the afternoon asking if we'l have him after school (meaning OH has to leave work early) and when he says he cant she starts saying OH doesnt care. if she let us know in a days advance then yes! totaly winds me up.

But it really upsets me as OH was engaged to her, but then tells me that he'l never get engaged or married now. Its like she still has power over him. she rang up one day saying that OH needed to stop having so many hobbies and spend more time with his kids and me! (which is true!) but I can fight my own battles thank you. but what winds me up he'l listen to her but not me. like she has control over him. she says jump and OH says how high. But what really really really upsets me is that she says OH doesnt spend time with their son, but he spends more time with him than I do or Lillie. I dont see OH at all hes always doing something or taken his son to the birds (dont ask! lol) where as Im stuck as home. So now shes asked OH to have him more I jsut wont see him. and now with this new baby! as we live a way from them so when OH picks him up not worth comming back here, he'l take him somewhere or see OHs dad. thats another she never drops or picks him up we have to, her excuse is she cant afford it & OH needs to pay his way. but he pays £50 a week. (I dont see that money for lillie I pay for everything for her!!) and then she goes on holiday 4 times a year but yet skint!

argh Im sure shes jealous but she has her own life and boyfriend. he lives away so im sure if he lived nearer it would be a total different story. sorry guys went on a bit
Just wondering if anyone else has a simular situation or what your situation is with step kids / exs x x x x

I think your OH needs a slap around the face.

He needs to divide his time equally between his children.

its sounds a bit like he's scared that if he dont do what she says she'll stop him seeing his son.

Maybe seek some legal advice about actually having a set days that he can see his son i.e every other weekend he stays over and comes over2-3 evenings a week after school and half a week during half term and a week maybe 2 during the summer hols etc.

It works both ways if he wants to see his son more then she has to at least consider it.

I hope your ok hun. But your OH needs to take his head out of the sand and stand up for himself

I know the feeling, with have problems all the time with one thing or another,
I to think it is because he is scared that his ex will take away what little time his as with his son away, I know thats why my Oh wont rock the boat so to speak with his ex,
Maybe try mediation and get some agreement together where it means your Oh can see more of his son and Lillie gets to spend time with him too,
I know how hard it is biting your tongue, but kids grow up and see where all the issues come from,
Good luck, If you need to talk, PM me x

Aw hun, I can completely sympathise with you!! It's an awful situation to be in and the trouble is the mothers know they have this control and they use it I really think your OH should insist thats he has his son over the weekends, even if it's every other weekend but for the WHOLE weekend, and definately over the holidays - thats terrible that he had to go 6 weeks without seeing him. As for the money, is the CSA involved? Because I know before Libby was born Simon was paying nearly double to what he is now (and TBH if your OH is paying £50 it should be matched by the mother - and no way does it cost £100 to feed/clothe etc. a 7 year old a week). I hope things change for you hun xxx

aw thanks ladies. Yeah well when he 1st met me she went quere and stop him seeing him so OH said fine I wont pay you untill you let me see him. so she took him to the CSA.
so now he pays through hes wages but in a way thats etter as OH is crap with money.

they are a pain arnt they. we get on like I say I can ring her or she can ring me we're on good terms but when they fall out it always comes to me. And I get the blame. when Im 100% encouraging OH to have him. if not im telling OH (again he is hopless!) but she wont let him stay with us, says he'l miss her too much. she wont let us take him any long journeys in the car as he gets 'travel sickness' bearing in mind she takes him away most weekends (her family live away)
after I posted that as she'd been on the phone f in and blinding at OH why he doesnt have him & needs to make more of an effort.... funny enough yesterday OH rang to have him.. no he couldnt come as she was taking to the beach.. I give up!

Anyways enough about me! whos got step kids? and how do you get on with them? I get on fine with OHs son, was hard at 1st as he always asked questions why mummy & daddy wernt together. but hes cool now x

I have stepkids, a 10 year old girl and a 12 year old boy and I totally sympathise with the whole ex malarky. It took me 4 years to get OH to agree to have a baby with me because 'he already had 2' and he always said that he didn't want to get married after being 2 weeks away from marrying her - we got engaged in July
She is an interferring cow who thinks it's her god given right to control OH because she has kids with him and then there's my MIL but that's a whole other thread

Well I've got a step daughter who's 12, unfortunately she wasn't conceived in the most pleasant of circumstances (one night stand) so her mother and Simon have never got on. We really only started seeing her when she was 6 (really long story) and we've always got on really well but ever since we told her about the new pregnancy things have turned - I don't know if you've read my posts. xx

No hun not seen???

So glad to hear it's not just me! I also couldn't pursuade rob to having kids as he felt bad. Lillie was a happy accident & so this one so guess thing worked for the best.
Argh why do they think they can still control them? It was because of her controlling ways they split.

I think if we ever split I would never be like that with him.

X x

Pm me if you ever want to chat as my story is some what simular x

Well this one was the first one, which came as a huge shock:
http://www.babiesandall.com/the-lounge-f4/arrrrggghhhhh-t354.htm
And this is the second one:
http://www.babiesandall.com/the-lounge-f4/just-when-we-thought-everything-was-ok-t1071.htm

Don't know what's going to come next but it's awful, I hate her being like this mainly because I know she's messed up, bless her

I know what you mean, I would be completely different if me and Simon ever split up, I could never stop him seeing Libby or the newbie. xx

sorry hun I didnt seem them...
argh sounds like hell. I think OHs ex a bit like that, she'l ring and say he's been asking why he cant come around and been crying saying why doesnt my daddy love me anymore... broke OH heart. but if im 100% honest I think she made it up or shes putting ideas in his head.

like you I think she also plays games with us, to see what we would do. out of spite really. thats what it sounds like she was doing to you!

I dont know what the answer is...

I know what you mean about libby wanting to see tia. Lillies like that, Iv only got to say his name and shes by the front door shouting to him. she adores him. like her birthday I asked her to come but she said she had other things on!! as her and OH wernt speaking at the time. thats got nothing to do with the kids! winds me up. but she did come, she turned up after saying she wouldnt but dropped him outside and left and asked OH to take him home later. knowing he'd have to leave me with a house full. she could easily pick him up.

thanks Marie!! so nice to know its just not me. x x x

I have to stick up for some ex's here as I am one! As part of my divorce it was agreed that the boys dad would have them everyother weekend and half of all the holidays! I am still waiting for it to happen! He pays £60 a week for the two of them and that's it! Jake (along with OH and me) are season ticket holders for Leicester City and all the home games up til Christmas are on the weekends that the boys go to the ex's but instead of swopping weekends over so Jake doesn't have to choose between the footie and the dad he loves, ex says he will get spoilt if he gets it his own way! But really as ex let slip on the phone it's so he doesn't have to re arrange his social life cause he has stuff planned for the weekends the boys aren't there! He also won't take 3 weeks holiday from work during the summer because he wants time away with his girlfriend alone!!

Oops that turned into a rant! But am sure you get what I mean! Not all ex's are the same! I am one fighting for my ex to see his kids more! I do refuse to take kids to his as he is the one who moved a 2 hour drive away!

Xx

rant away hun No I dont think they are all the same, and Im not saying mine is an there has been a few occasions where Iv had to have words as he was putting his hobbies before his son. basicaly giving her fuel.
I can see where shes comming from also on some occasions, and given OH a kick up the backside.

and I totaly agree why should you drive 2 hours away, I wouldnt either!!

anyway when did you get to 28, well 29 weeks!!!!!!! flipping hell!

It's scary how quick this pregnancy lark is going!! Lol!

The thing that gets me with my ex is if I say anything about the boys being upset at his etc it's me having a go at him not me doing the best for my kids! I will not have them upset by him or anyone else for that matter! But he doesn't get that! Oh and that his social life and that of his gf is more important!!

Xxxx

I have a 'step' kid - well were not married yet but ya know what I mean.

I have been avoiding this thread on purpose coz I tend to get a bit irate and start ranting when I think about it all.

OHs daughter is 17 going on 7 and the biggest brat you could imagine. I kinda have to stick up for his ex here too coz she is great - we get on fine - OH isn't scared of the ex he is scared of the flippin kid ffs!! I'm not gonna start today coz finally after 3 years of putting up with her crap I exploded this morning (with OH not the brat) I basically told him it's time he did something about her behaviour as I'm sick to death of treading on eggshells in my own home and her creating an awful atmosphere. I was probably a bit harsh but it needed to be said. She is 18 in a couple of months and seriously needs to grow up. Being a step parent is such a difficult situation to be in, if i say anything to her she will go crying to daddy and I'll be the bad biatch, if I say anything to OH he gets all upset saying I think he's a crap dad and I'm slagging his kid etc. You can't win really in this position. Well today it all came out - I told him I'm sick of it and until he does something about it I don't want her here harsh yes but I don't care anymore - this is my home and I will not be disrespected in it and neither will I tolerate the way she treats/speaks to her dad in my company. I do not want my children learning from her disrespectful spoilt behaviour so until it changes she wont see them - end of!

See I knew I would end up in a rant - sorry ladies

xx

I do have to add to that 'rant' that when things are going her way and we are all pussy footing around her whims she is great - she is brilliant with the kids and helps with them but god forbid she not like something we say/do etc. We regulary have hissy fits because she doesn't like what we have made for dinner etc just as an example - last time we decided we would have pizza for tea as she regularly buys them herself - can't go wrong? yeah right! I went out and bought some expensive pizza and made homemade wedges etc. All was fine until she saw the pizzas and all hell breaks lose coz they are "too thin" she refused to eat and started sulking and crying and after nearly an hour of hissy fit she had OH running round town looking for a chipshop open late on a sunday evening coz thats the only thing she would accept - did I mention she is almost 18!!!! no not 8 - 18!!!!

see I can't help myself - I need help

xx

Yep got 11yr old step-daughter who is lovely, been around since she was 2yrs old and even to this day their is a wierd relationship with the ex - they communicate via me!

There isn't much said between us, we both have our own familys now but for some reason she likes to still make things really difficult for us to see her.

They live 1hr away (so 2 hrs by time we get back) I have to pick her up with my 2 in the car so its a long journey - they have never dropped her off or picked her up from ours.

We only have her for 2 1/2 days every 8 weeks!!!!!!!!!! So basically 6 times a year. Thats the mothers choice we don't even have her at christmas only January.

Its really sad because we would so love to have her every weekend but now shes becoming a teenager I bet she will not want to come and stay soon.

I know the feeling debs, I got the the point of boiling hence why started this thread. once I start

even though he's 7 I also feel uncomfortable telling him off or telling to do something as he's the same he'l go running to rob or im sure it gets back to her I told him off. He's at the age now he knows he can use it. but saying that he is a good kid really could be alot worse. He did go through a stage of asking questions which was really akward but he seems ok now. he would ask why dont you and mummy live together? why dont you and emma come on holidays with us. was so hard to explain. dreading it when lillies old enough and asks why he doesnt live with us.

sounds a nightmare to have a teenager pushing the boundries!!

2 days every 8 weeks! thats hardly anything. that must be hard!! we're the same with xmas we wont have him at all untill jan when they go back to school. For once wouldnt hurt her not to go away to her family till later so we could have him. would make OH xmas.
must be hard also for you to be in the middle of your OH and his ex, you do well!

I get on with her family and have no problems (Except one she just wont talk to me and iv dont nothing they were well over before I came on the scene) but OH is still really close to them all, which upsets me a little. he'l go for drinks with them, or days out, or BBQs. I find that strange but then suppose they were together for years.

Another thing (see debs once I start) OH is very jealous of her new boyfriend. he says hes not but he is!! he gets so wound up when his son talks about him, and yesterday he called rob her new boyfriends name... he went mad can understand he's upset as he is the one now that wakes with him on xmas and I can understand that. but surely he should be shaking his hand to say thanks for looking after them.... maybe its a woman thing but he cant stand her boyfriend and hes really nice & treats him and takes him out and stuff. guess its jealousy.

OMG Debs - I've read your stories before about your step daughter but that one is rediculous!!!! Tia gets what we have, I don't even ask her if she likes it and if she doesn't it's tough.

We're the same with xmas, we usually only get Tia the day after boxing day, although last year she was around her nanny's (mum's mum) who literally just lives around the corner from us so she did pop round for half an hour on xmas day. This year her mum is dragging her down to her partner's parents, who live about 100 miles away and she really doesn't want to go, she wants to come here - bless her.

Arrggghhhhh being a step parent is blinking hard work!!! xxx

yep!! and I think on all parts.
like not just us but our OHs and the mums themselves... if being a parent isnt hard enough hey.