well my friend has been saying 4 months and months now that she wants a baby but says she is so scared that she cant even stop taking her pill she is a big worrier about everything, her and her boyfriend (of about 17year) keep arguing because of it has he really wants 1 too its just she cant stop taking her pill she keeps asking me wot she should do but i dont know wot to tell her other than stop taking the pill, we have discussed wot shes scared of but she doesnt really know its a mix of everything like : money, will it be healthy, will she bond with a baby, will she know wot to do, will his family interfere and will he tell them to butt out if they do ? ive told her it all comes naturally and if not u can get help, if u worry too much about money she will never do it (there not poor but not rich either) and i think her boyfriend would stick up 4 his own baby but if not she should tell them wot else can i tell her? thanx 4 reading xx

to be honest I'm not sure a person can be convinced to get PG if they dont feel sure about it - they need to come to that point in their life naturally...so if she cant make the decision now then it maybe isn't right for her yet?

She doesn't seem ready, i'd tell her to wait

I would tell her that everything happens for a reason, if she wants to get pregnant then she should stop taking the pill and she will fall pregnant when the time is right for her

Lisa wrote:

to be honest I'm not sure a person can be convinced to get PG if they dont feel sure about it - they need to come to that point in their life naturally...so if she cant make the decision now then it maybe isn't right for her yet?

i actually said that to her too but she said she does want to do it its just she cant, but i think deep down maybe she doesnt, she cant or she'd just do it, she was really upset the other day though has her niece that works with us has found out she's pregnant and to be honest we thought she didnt ever want children but then again my friend didnt at 1st either and i thought she wa goin to burst into tears (but she didnt) n she said why cant i do it, why cant i be like u (she says im very laid back about it all, which ok i might be i want a baby so stopped my pill n thats it, see she knows we r ttc shes the only person ive told the same has b4 exept u ladies ) she keeps saying she wants to try do it now though because shes not getting any younger shes now 36, 37 in july but i dont think there's anything i can say now that ive not already said she was going to go talk to her doctor about seeing if he can do anything 4 her but like wot theres nothing any1 can do is there shes just got to decide 4 herself hasnt she?

why do you want her to have a baby? you come across quite pushy

Katie22Plus3 wrote:

why do you want her to have a baby? you come across quite pushy

im not bothered if she has 1 or not it is my friend that says she wants 1 and im not being pushy im just being a good friend she asked 4 my advice and ive told her wot i thought that if she wants 1 to stop taking her pill, hows that being pushy? she talks to me about it nearly everday and has told me why she worries about doing it and ive only gave my advice, but i tell her the same thing everytime she asks, thats why i was just asking if any1 else had any advice to tell her wot may help her after all it is her that wants a baby. maybe u have misunderstood me, im not very good at writing wot i mean but wot would u say to a friend that asked u nearly everyday wot she should do, and wot she can do to change how she thinks? im sorry but i cant just ignore her shes my best mate and i dont think anything ive told her is wrong.

Think people are missing the fact that this friend of yours is wanting a baby but is scared, you're not pushing her into anything as you are just giving your advice... Sometimes people misread the posts xx

Jade wrote:

I would tell her that everything happens for a reason, if she wants to get pregnant then she should stop taking the pill and she will fall pregnant when the time is right for her

couldnt agree more, if its ment to be its ment to be x

I agree with the stop taking the pill and see if it happens.

I dont think id push my friends (not saying you are!), but I prob would remind them of their biological clock. I sound like a cow! I know for me it was important that I had children in my twenties. Im not saying I wouldnt have one in my 30's (I may well have a 3rd/4th then) its just id like them when im quite young.

I always got terrified by reports saying that fertility starts to decrease at 30 and even more so after 35. I know a few ladies on here conceived 35+ and its not impossible, I just mean that for a 1st and to still be 'thinking' at nearly 37... she is hitting an age where she needs to decide quite soon.

I dont mean to offend anyone, im just being realistic. Id hate a friend of mine to be sitting in their 40's deaperate to conceive their 1st and it not be happenning and them be upset.

Please no one attack me!

You're just being realistic Snoop, the older you the more difficult it is to conceive, so she needs to think about coming off the pill - if she wants a baby like she says she does, she needs to get on with it lol xx

Grrr!! *raises hand at Snoop*

aah I'm kidding! I would be panicking at that age, I was panicking enough at the ripe old age of 29! Now I'm a grand old 32 and this time was much easier to get pregnant..

Maybe that's whats freaking your friend out Jayne? Is that she wants to wait a little more but is scared of leaving it too late and has got herself all confused? All the things she's worrying about are so natural, but I don't know what waiting will achieve really, even in her forties she'll still be worried about the same things. (I hope that doesn't sound mean, I just mean as a worrier myself, I understand how she feels, but I always tell myself if I'll be worrying about the same things a day/month/year from now, I might as well just do it now! )

Hmm, I'm no help am I! It sounds like you're doing a great job (and I don't think you're being pushy at all!) of supporting her, hopefully all this thinking will help her make the right decision for her! Good luck to her! x

snoop i understand wot u mean and we have both said it i said it too her (in a nice way) and she's even said it to me, its like u have said also semo it can be more difficult to conceive has u get older 4 some people too, i mean she could come off her pill her af's might not settle 4 a while and then she's got to conceive so it could take a few year which moves her closer to 40 her partner is older he is 41 this year so there's also him to consider too has he's not getting any younger either. but she could come off it and get pregnant straight away u never know, ive said to her 2day 'u will do it when ur ready deep down maybe ur not ready yet, i dont know wot else to tell u' and she yet again says she is ready but too scared, i try not to mention it anymore but its her that brings it up everyday lol, to be honest i think wots to be scared of, i think its the best thing ive ever done and cant wait to do it again (thats why we r ttc now because i want to have mine hopefully b4 im 35, ive got my son and im only having 1 more which we r ttc now) alright sometimes things dont go has planned but other people deal with things that happen so we or she will after deal with wot ever happens nobody can control wot happens unfortunately.

u know natkat i think thats it exactly she will worry no matter when she does it xx

TBH ive read the whole thread and dont think you are being pushy at all just trying to support her but shes not being terribly sensible about it all. She either wants a baby in which case she comes off the pill and tries for one and takes the shit that comes along or she doesnt want all the associated crap that *can* come with kids and stays on the pill. I think if shes that worried shes not ready as those are pretty much worries every person in the world has, shes not unique in fretting about those things and if they really are enough to hold her back then she needs to consider if ttc is for her.

Sorry i dont mean that to sound blunt but when i was ttc c i had all the same worries but nothing in the world wud have stopped us from chucking the condoms and going for it and this time round those worries were even more real as mat leave last time landed us in a right financial mess and i was scared of loving anothe rbaby as much as C but again i still went for it because deep down i knew i wanted it enough to overcome any obstacles. Your friends concerns are not really unique though i appreciate they are scary and she needs to consider if she really wants it enough to say 'screw it, i'll deal with whatever comes along' as thats what it comes down to

If it were me i think id be saying to her 'if you want it enough mate you can overcome all those obstacles so stop the pill and go for it if you are ready or take a step away from it til you think you are strong enough to deal with it. Either way i support you but dont sit there hanging on it cos you are gonna drive yourself nuts'

I kept arguing and arguing with myself over when to start TTC for numer two and I thought if I got pregnant tomorrow would I be ready and I thought yes... then thought but no what about this and what about this. blah blah the usual... but I also though will any of this have changed in 6 months... 1 year etc.. I'll still have the same worries and I truly believe that things happen for a reason so decided to just stop the pill and see what happens.

Now that Ive taken the plunge it's actually made me REALLY want a BFP straight away so maybe once she actually stops she'll feel more positive.

Top and bottom of it is:

if she wants a baby come off the pill straight away and ttc.

If she's not sure then she should stay on the pill and stop dithering. But she does need to bear in mind that her chances of conceiving are drastically dropping each year she puts it off for. Also the chances of something being wrong increase so much when you get older.

Yes! I'm am older mum and everything in my garden is rosy but it's always that straight forward.