Those of you who know me from AB may remember me posting a few months back the story of my brother and his 42 wife splitting up, her running off with my 22 year old nephew and taking all the kids money. I've tried to stay out of the situation as much as possible but I spoke to my mum last night and she updated me on what's been happening and I don't know what to do

Basically they have 3 children age 15, 10 and 6. She moved out of the house and rented somewhere for a while didn't want to know the kids etc so my brother with the help of the family has been taking care of them. Well now the money has run out and about a month ago she decided to move back in. So she has been sleeping in the younger boys bedroom, while he has been sharing with his Dad. My brother has found a new girlfriend recently who seems quite nice and my SIL doesn't like this so she's told him he can't stay there (he's paying the mortgage alone at the moment as she doesn't work). My brother being the dumbass that he is has given in to her and is staying with his girlfriend. Now the kids are at the house but she doesn't want them and has no interest in them, but doesn't want them to be with him and his new girlfriend. So he is going in as often as she will let him to see them and feed them etc.

The youngest two stayed at my mums Sunday for the day and arrived there around 2pm and she made dinner for them. The 10 year old said he was starving and my mum asked what they'd had to eat today and he told her that they hadn't had any food since there Dad had been to see them on Friday evening. My mum had a chat with my nephew and he's told her that their mum isn't feeding them at all, she's not buying any food or caring for them, so their laundry isn't getting done, they aren't being bathed, or taken care of, she's also going out drinking and not coming home, leaving them in the house by themselves all night. The eldest one is pretty much living at his girlfriends house (they've been together for 4 years already, so her parents have taken him under their wing) so it's just the younger two there. Now I was horrified at this and asked what was being done, and apparantly nothing is being done. My mum said that my brother is doing as much as he can, and they are monitoring it. He won't go to court for custody because she said she will fight it, and his solicitor has said that she will probably get custody so he's frightened of losing them altogether. I seem to be the only person who actually thinks that someone should be doing something, because in my eyes they are being neglected.

What do I do? Sorry it's so long and I've rambled but I'm still trying to make sense of it myself, any words of wisdom?

I remember you posting about this before.

I am going to be honest here and say that if it were my nephews I would go to Social Services.

If she is found to be doing no wrong, then they will get to the bottom of it. If what your nephew is saying is true, then they need to step in and will probably look at speaking to your brother and seeing if he can take care of the kids instead.

I think your brother needs to man up, kick her arse out of the house, and take charge of his kids again. It sounds harsh, but they are his children and are not being cared for, and he needs to stand up to her.

x

It's not harsh at all Laura, they were almost my exact words to my mum last night, that he needs to grow a pair and kick her out and that the kids should come first, when I said to my mum about going to SS she told me not to interfere, but I can't just leave it like this

I would end up interferring... I know I would. Would SS tell her that it was you who reported her? Im not sure how it works.

Those poor children are not getting fed, and are being left at night.

What next? She will start bringing all sorts of men home day and night and leaving her kids around them? They could be right weridos.

She sounds like a right cow. How can any mother seriously treat her children like that?

x

The only explanation is that she's having some sort of breakdown, I know she's drinking herself stupid so it's probably a result of that, it's so sad, she and my brother were together since teens, 25 years in all, and she was so lovely, a great mum, like a sister to me, and she just changed completely, it's like looking at a different person now, she's gone from a size 14-16 to a size 6 in a year and is unrecognisable now.

I'd be interested to hear if anyone has experience of how social services works?

bloody hell what a biatch! How can anyone treat their own children like that?

For the sake of his kids your brother has to be strong and put his foot down over living in his own home, either that or get the kids out while she isn't there.

If she is leaving them on their own while she goes out drinking you could always ring the police (anonomously if you like or pretend to be a concerned neighbour) and tell them you suspect the children are home alone and ask them to check.

I am surprised that your brother's solicitor thinks she will get custody given she left home without them and is now neglecting them.

If it was my family I would be so angry and so desparately want to protect those children. They don't deserve any of this and she doesn't deserve her children.

I would say you absolutely HAVE to go to social services unless your brother is willing to tackle it straight away. They will not take the kids etc they will go and assess the situation and then make a decision. If it is apparent that she is not looking after them then they may look for other family members to look after them, presumably their dad in this case

If the kids mention this at school they will def refer to child protection and it may then be more difficult for your bro to demonstrate he would look after them if he knew about this.

Not meaning to be voice of doom but how would your mum etc feel if something happened to one of the kids because they were not being looked after.

In terms of custody then if soc services see that the mother is not caring for the kids surely this would help your brothers application for custody?

It is a difficult situation xx

i would have to do something hun you can report it to SS as annomynous or you can call NSPCC or Childline and they will make the arangements so that it cant be traced back to you hun. it will take a longtime for them to get to the bottom of it but the kids need to be honest with SS or whoever visits them you can contact you local police station and they will point you in the right direction

I would be tempted to go and biatch slap her she has responsabilities maybe you should keep a diary of what the kids tell you so you dont forget anything xx

I will speak to my sister hun she actually works for SS not in that sector she works as an OT for kids but she has friends in the department you would need to speak too x

Gillian has a good point... how about catching her in the act of leaving them and calling the police? x

Catching her at it is a good idea, but I would need to get the kids to let someone know when she does it in order to report her to the police

Thanks ladies, I feel like I'm going out of my mind, I came home and talked to Matt about it and he was with me about reporting them. I know my brother won't do it. I don't understand my mum at all, she's really shocked me over this as I never thought she'd sit on the fence where there welfare is concerned. I'm going to have a chat with my sister who works at the school where they go and see what her take on things is and if we can maybe report it via the school.

I know what I've got to do but I have a feeling that I'm going to be very unpopular when I do it

I agree that your brother needs to man up and kick her arse into touch!! I Would definatly be interfering cause it's not fair on the kids! You might be unpopular but that is better than having something happen to the kids! You brother and mum will realise that in time!

Xx

most be so horrible for you all to hear and see whats she doing to your nephews x
im with the others to report her. She sounds like a right biatch.

Good idea about trying to catch her leaving them xx
Your doing it for the kids. If u leave it and somethings happen ul regret not ringing xx

God Mandy..you must be going out of your mind with all this! I agree with everything the ladies have said about contacting the authorities. The kids should be coming first and not last in this marital dispute and it saddens me that they are going hungry and neglected. Someone defo has to intervene on their behalf regardless of how someone's feelings may become hurt. Your brother should take them immediately out of her care, and as their father..he has every right if they are being treated that way. xxx

the kids will thank you for it. and thats all that matters. she needs a boot in the back side!

Can your brother not take them to stay at his girlfriends house. I feel bad for saying this but its appalling that your brother has given in and moved out. No matter how bad the situation with the ex he should have stood his ground and stayed for them.
How does your brother feel about going to SS? If he goes to court and accuses her of neglect the SS will get involved anyway and he could end up with them.
He needs to get himself to a solicitor immediately and get it to court in the next few days.
xxx

I completely agree mara, but it's like talking to a brick wall, it just doesn't seem to sink in with him. I'm so angry that this is being allowed to continue. I'm going to have one more try with my brother and if he wont do anything, I will x

oh god I remeber you posting.... yikes Im with laura mind I think I would call social services unless your brother kicks her out!
god mandy thats awful, of shes that bad if he did take it to court surely he would win?? if not theres something wrong with the system.

hope it works out, dont know what else to say... x x

Aww hun its so not fair on the kids is it I just worry that if you ring SS it will come back on you and you will be made to look the bad guy. I wouldnt want you to fall out with your mum and brother, but on the other hand it needs sorting now xxxx

I agree wholehearted with all the posts and you that he needs to sort himself out and stand up for his kids.........if he wont then I think your gonna have to step in!

What if something happens when they are on their own??? Children should never go hungry (that made me really teary!)

I hope you get them sorted (your bro and the children!)

Much love xxx

i would be calling someone asap ! that poor kids !

heaven forbid anything bad happens in the house accidently when no adult is there

i personally could handle been bad mouthed by ppl knowing that i could have saved that kiddies lives !

i hope everything gets sorted hun x x x

il report her for you then you can have no come back x

I'm not worried about comeback or what people think of me, I just wanted to see what the best way to handle it was before I go in all guns blazing. I'm waiting for my brother to ring me back so will see what he says and if he refuses to sort i straight away then I'll be making a few phone calls tomorrow

Hi Mandy,

I do remember you posting about this when she first left.

I think that your brother should go ahead with custody as if the children tell the Court's officer about the neglect, I can't see how they would ever allow the children to stay with their month.

I can believe what an awful mother she is.

It sounds like good riddance to her!!

xx

Why dont he just take the children from her?? If there is no residency order in place your brother is not breaking any laws as he is their father police will say take it to court, I know that once he as them in his care it is harder to remove them, hence why most mother win when in court,
Personally i would and once the children are with your brother get the social services involved to back him up on the neglect reports, and that is the reason why your brother as not taken them home,
Other alternative is to go to your local police station and speak to someone in the cpu, they will then involve social services and remove them from their mothers care, and into their fathers under the circumstances,
At the end of the day you cant allow 2 children to be left to starve, (which unfortunatley happens) because their mother is incapable of cooking them a meal,
Hope thats of some help mandy, cant even begin to understand what you are going through x