Lisa's post got me thinking....
Do you let your OH make decisions about LO eg what they eat, where they go, who babysits, what they wear etc...I dont mind Stuart cooking Caitlins dinner as he knows what I give her and sticks to it. He wouldnt dream of giving her something different because that would involve thinking lol. He does get her dressed occassionally & 9/10 its suitable but if he going to a party/visiting I like to choose.

I always decide who babysits. If I want my mum to, she does, even if MIL texts OH I get him to wb and say no thanks. (MIL does babysit during the day btw, I just mean its when I decide it suits). If Stuart wants to meet his mum in town with Caitlin he has to ask me, & if Iv made plans with my mum/a friend I say no. Same when his dad texts, Stuart asks me if he can call over/take Caitlin out.

If it was the other way round and I had to ask Stuart could I take Caitlin into town, could my mum take her for an hr or he told me no his mum would be taking caitlin overnight I would go mental. Also I too tell Stuart when to be home re meal times/naps - generally I have to pick him/Caitlin up from MILs anyway so not often an issue. However, if im at a friends iv been known to let Caitlin skip a nap/ get dinner up to 45 later than normal. (Im not too strict with routines though).

Btw im not saying the other topic is wrong (because I do the same thing!), it just got me thinking how much power I have over Caitlin compared to Stuart. Maybe his disability plays a part or im just a control freak

I'm exactly the same as you. What I say goes but why shouldn't it when technically I know Ollie better than Stu as I spend so much more time with him.

david looks after ava 2 days a week when im at work and i let him make all the decisions, at first i picked out her clothes and told him what to give her to eat but ive relaxed now and left it up to him , once he put her in pj's as an outfit but its not the end of the world.

we dont have any offers of babysitters so thats not an issue!

no im exactley the same, even when we were together...i decided who babysits...usualy because i have to find the babysitter though

errrm well the rest is mostly down to me anyway as he only has them for a couple of hours when im at work, and as far as im aware he puts them to bed by my set bedtime and his mum or my mum usually make their tea...so theres not many descisions to be made on his part anyway

obvs big descisions would be made together like what school they went to, or other big descisions

x

I generally make the rules as I'm a bit of a control freak Karl is more laid back than me so he usually follows my lead. Without being disrespectful to Karl, Im a bit more knowledgeable than him, I read books about most things and I like to research parenting skills. But then he is more loving and playful than I am so its a nicely balanced parenting for Cerys XX

I am the same - I am her main carer and its me that has the final decision, he might not always like it but thats how it goes.

He doesn't want the responsibility of getting up to her in the night, buying her clothes, washing her stuff etc

It does annoy me cos he wants the 'nice easy' stuff like taking her to see family, but wouldnt ever cross his mind of she needs vaccinations, or if she is growing right or whether she gets the right food each day or at the right times - never crosses his mind

Edited to add - I don't mean my decision is final on stuff like what she eats for lunch and what she wears, what she does when he looks after her - I mean important decisions like what nursery she went to - because he had no interest in it.

we both have equal rights in making decisions etc...if one doesn't agree we let it be known and decide from there....he helped make them and he's just as much their parent as me so he's just as entitled as me to decide what's right for them, who looks after them etc

hmmm i like to believe that me and hubby are pretty equal in day to day stuff, but in reality i am a bossy b*tch so if elijah has had yogurt and cheese and hubby is making his tea i will tell him not to include too much dairy....or if its cold i will get him to change eli's trousers to warmer ones but generally we are pretty equal

Absolutely i let Adam parent,

he has as much say as i do and i trust him and both our parents to do whats right for the girls.

TBH Alice probs takes more notice of him than me when she is being disciplined which i have to say i thought he was gonna be too soft on her when i was PG but he is great

i make the decisions i guess thats because i am at home with her all day i know her inside out i chose all her outfits, even if marc gets her up in the morning and lets me have a lie in 9/10 she is still on her pj's when i get up. i do most of the cooking but she eats what we eat so if marc was to cook i know that he would do ok at cooking for her. as for the routine thing if we are out i like to be home by 7:45pm ready for her bed at 8pm but then we went to my mums last week and didnt even leave there until 8:30pm and that was my choice i do feel a bit horrible sometimes but then marc dosnt really take her anywhere without me, so if he was to ask i would say yes just to get an hour or so rest bite.

babysitting wise i only ever ask my nan or my mum to have her as they know her so well and she adores them plus they are the only people i trust 100% (inlaws had her during the day when i was working but not if its out for an evening)

Mum took her into town yesterday and was gone 2 hours marc was getting worried about her nap which is at 2pm but then i just accept that if she is tired she would sleep in the pushchair (they walked into town about half hour to get there) so poor gracie couldnt walk and sure enough mum came in and she was soundo in her buggy and was sparked out for an hour and a half

sorry a bit of a ramble

Yes I do let him parent but wouldn't let him choose her clothes as he would get mixed up and she wouldn't match.
Mark looks after ellie every Saturday morning and he does a good job.... But to be honest I do pick at things because he does a few things differently from me.

If I am home then I tend to make decisions but we take it in turns getting the boys up so then he will dress them and decide what's for breakfast etc. My oh will be looking after boys when I go back to work so he will making all the decisions. He is quite good really x

My OH has just as much say as I do when it comes to the children!

We always go to see parents etc as a family so that is never an issue.

My OH is a brilliant parent so I dont have any issues with the way he does things. He feeds them well and they love being with him and they nap on time too so everything is good!

I do however like to pick their outfits if we are going out. OH isnt fussed if they match or not as long as they are clean and ironed he isnt fussed so if we are going out I will pick but if we are at home he can decide!

ive got to say i trust my oh 100% to parent Paige, if i didnt i wouldnt have had a child with him. Saying that when i was on mat leave i did take more responsibility due to me spending more time with her, but i have never had to worry about what clothes he puts her in and whether he feeds her/she gets her naps etc
We communicate regularly what we have done with Paige and how her day has gone and any tweeks we need to make with her routine and make the decisions together as we are both her parents and are equally as responsible.
Maybe its just me but im shocked some of you ladies have these issues with your ohs xx

I think id like it to be more 50/50 well 60/40 probably

Sometimes it does feel quite a pressure being the one who has to remember everything. Similar to Lisa's point im the one who has to order her milk from the dr's & ring chemist to get it ordered in specially, I did every single night feed/dummy run, I wash all the clothes, I looked up nurserys when i was thinking about work, Im the one who looked into weaning/how to make btls/milk fee diet etc. Caitlin adores her daddy though & i can see how its a good balance having a twit about to entertain her

Tbh I dont think Stuart can win, id like him to take more responsibility & it be a bit fairer but at the same time I dont trust him to make the best decisions 100% of the time. He would never harm her, I just think he would scrape by (eg give choccy too often, take her out without a coat - not the end of the world I suppose)... he would let his mum influence decisons

I get upset sometimes thinking that if I died Stuart has parental responsibility & cant live alone so basically my MIL would bring up Caitlin & id have no say. Stuart would just go along with whatever she said as he wouldnt know any better. Again MIL wouldnt harm Caitlin, she just wouldnt bring Caitlin up the way I would.

Rach the main issue's not really that i dont trust him (well I suppose I dont trust him to things the way i would 100% of the time).

I just mean I need him to ask me if he can visit family, & if I have my own plans they always come first - he doesnt just put her coat on & announce he is doing something like I do.

The biggest one is who babysits Caitlin, yup I trust MIL but its my mum takes her overnight every time.

rach&paige wrote:

h her routine and make the decisions together as we are both her parents and are equally as responsible.
Maybe its just me but im shocked some of you ladies have these issues with your ohs xx

Its to be expected, not every mother is a natural mother, some mums find they have no idea what their child needs/wants and not all fathers know what their child needs.

Its not that they don't try or purposefully do a bad job - some people just aren't naturally aware of a childs needs.

Dan certainly isn't a bad parent - he is a very good dad and Izzy loves him to bits and Im sure if he HAD to learn about her more he would, but the fact of the matter is he works full time and I take care of her the majority of the time - so of course I am going to be more in-tune to her. There are just some things where he honestly doesn't get it!

rach&paige wrote:

ive got to say i trust my oh 100% to parent Paige, if i didnt i wouldnt have had a child with him. Saying that when i was on mat leave i did take more responsibility due to me spending more time with her, but i have never had to worry about what clothes he puts her in and whether he feeds her/she gets her naps etc
We communicate regularly what we have done with Paige and how her day has gone and any tweeks we need to make with her routine and make the decisions together as we are both her parents and are equally as responsible.
Maybe its just me but im shocked some of you ladies have these issues with your ohs xx

I hardly call it an issue because I like to choose her outfits! I buy her outfits and know which tights go with which dress and. Which top goes with which leggings etc!

I wouldn't let him choose my clothes either! It's not an issue.

I think maternal feelings make most women take charge of the children, this isn't an issue either or reflection on a fathers responsibilty!

I trust my OH but because I have Ollie in my sole care for many hours of the day it doesn't make sense for OH to come home and start doing everything different cos that would just confuse Ollie. What I'm trying to say is that my way is Ollies way and therefore it is best for OH to 'live by my rules' so that Ollie knows where he stands. As for babysitters (not that I ever have to pick one seeing as I don't go out ) OH knows my feelings about his mother and how I do not trust her to look after Ollie so my mum is the only option and he is happy with that. Stu cooks for Ollie the same as what we have which I am happy with and also he gets him dressed and SOMETIMES it matches but if it's a really bad choice then I will change him lol.

Lita wrote:

I trust my OH but because I have Ollie in my sole care for many hours of the day it doesn't make sense for OH to come home and start doing everything different cos that would just confuse Ollie. What I'm trying to say is that my way is Ollies way and therefore it is best for OH to 'live by my rules' so that Ollie knows where he stands. As for babysitters (not that I ever have to pick one seeing as I don't go out ) OH knows my feelings about his mother and how I do not trust her to look after Ollie so my mum is the only option and he is happy with that. Stu cooks for Ollie the same as what we have which I am happy with and also he gets him dressed and SOMETIMES it matches but if it's a really bad choice then I will change him lol.

Spot on Lita - the main carer is more intune to they way the child works, and so its better all round that things remain the same.

Izzy would come to no harm at all in dans care - but it doesn't mean he would have an easy time trying to work out what she wanted and when and how, and he wouldn't enjoy the 'effect' of her routine being messed up very often! Its easier its done the way Izzy likes...my way (which I may add is what I have learnt is how she likes it)

Certainly wasnt trying to suggest anyone was a bad parent and didnt mean it to come across lioke that, its just i live in my own bubble sometimes and get shocked by other peoples issues.

I can understand that if your oh doesnt "naturally" understand a childs needs then the other parent needs to take more control, but i think its a shame when a dad has to ask to take his child out (btw more of a reflection on the dad than the mother)

I guess im just lucky that my oh has more common sense than i usually give him credit for

wow just read other peoples responses while i was typing!

Shall continue being a browser and try not to offend

Dan doesn't have to ask me to take her out..he does however have to TELL me he is taking her out!

I would only say no if he had already been told I was going somewhere with her, or she needed a nap/food etc before he went.

I'm sure thats what Snoopy means too - because surely no parent would just take their child without telling the other parent and making sure they didn't already have plans?!

LOL Rach, its what we would call a healthy debate on BANDA. Everyone has an opinion, including you Dont lose any sleep over it x

SHUT UP LEAH, IM GOING TO LOCK THIS THREAD RIGHT NOW

(actually Im only joking )